Tuesday, May 15, 2012

A Mental Haunting

 Being haunted don't necessarily mean you see a ghost or see things move and such ,being haunted is more of a mental and emotional terror in most cases. I will give you an example from my own experiences of what I call a mental haunting.
 I was 16 years old when my step mother was about due to give birth to her third child which would be my half sister, but to me I am not a dog nor are my sisters so I awaited my SISTER to be born, so excited, at 16 who wouldn't love to have a baby sister or even a baby brother at that age? Well sadly my poor step mother would discover the baby she carried had died by the umbilical cord choking the poor thing. Alyssa was born and the funeral was aside her grave up on the hill in the cemetery down our street. From my upstairs bedroom window you could see the grave stones twinkle by the light of the moon or street light. I often would stand in my bedroom window at night looking down the street hoping to catch a glimpse of a spirit.

 It was a sad time for us all, me, my parents, and my three other sisters were struck with grief like a strike of lightening. It was the first time I actually seen my father cry, he had tears and was wearing a face full of worry, not balling but still he had never shown sad emotions, he was always lets say a hard head. But he had a house full of girls and one of his precious daughters had died. I felt constant sadness for my parents and kept thinking of my dead baby sister how she was unholdable and unreachable, how I could do nothing to help her, or take away this  painful and heavy gray vail of sadness from my family.

 I was shown a picture of her tiny dead body, it hit me so hard the realism of death. I had been making her a baby blanket in home Economics class when she was lost to death, it went into her small box of memory's my step mother had made, unfinished and all hopes of a new born sister would never be wrapped in it's warmth.
 One night that I will never forget,  I was seeing that picture of her dead body with her clef lip and decaying arm in my head over and over, and then when I opened my eyes there was her little casket in the middle of my bedroom floor , I was astonished, I had awoken from a dream of playing with her and there on my fucking floor was a damn casket, a tiny white one, just like hers and I knew it was hers and it was my own despair ,I wanted her, I wanted my sister with us not death, I was mad and hurt and ready to take on any dark forces to get her back if I had to.

When I got up from my bed to go open this casket in hopes I would be able to hold her and hear her cry or breath, it was gone, I had imagined it. I say this is a mental haunting. But what caused the illusions in my room of a casket to my eyes so real? I will never know, but it was terrifying indeed. And so very sad  for a 16 year old girl to have to feel. I was already primed for the loss of loved ones through my life starting with my own baby sister. In my heart I felt nothing could feel this bad no other death could be worse then loosing a baby sister, OH how wrong I was because when death came to take my dad ,it knocked me out from under my knees and ripped my very soul from my body .

 Grief will get you every time, it will drive one crazy to put into words written my one of my favorite authors....
“Guilt is a tireless horse. Grief ages into sorrow, and sorrow is an enduring rider.”
Dean Koontz, The Darkest Evening of the Year

As I'd learned what this meant with the death of my father, so many things I felt guilty about, like borrowing too much from him or not telling him I love him enough or not seeing he was sick and making him go to the doctors earlier, hard headed or not.
  But  I know it was not my fault, I know he loved me and still dose. 
  But back with the mental hauntings ,one evening as I sat on my bed and my family (husband and children) watched TV in the living room , I heard my dads voice in my ear, he called my nickname he gave me, he always called me by my nickname BLAB! I heard it, it was his voice, we just buried him a few weeks before , I was still grieving and so sad I could barely function normally.
  I am one to feel my woes and pains at home in private, I had held a lot in from the funeral and all the visits with family. But this shit was for real, I just heard my dad say my nickname and I yelled Dad but I meant to yell for my husband , my husband came to me and I was in shock , I felt as if my dad was in the room sitting on the bed beside me and I said 
"Dad, what is it like to be where you are ,what is it like to be dead and I heard with his voice, "It's like a window"! what the heck was this, explain this to me it was his voice and it was real to me but no one else heard it?..........So we bring on our own hauntings by those we are connected to I suppose. But I trust my dad came through with an answer for a question I had been begging God to let me know. 
I believe we are connected telepathically and this is how we communicate in the after life.

Thou people judge me by what has happened  in my life ,uncontrollable, I still know it is not approval from man I seek, it is truth . Only God knows it all  and to tell me I am a sinner for wanting to know what lays beyond death is just plain stupid, we all should know and in my Bible it says seek the truth. 

Cemetery's are Haunted

 Some would say,"No ghost will stick around it's tomb", but I disagree; in fact most supernatural footage is gathered at cemetery's. I believe spirits that stick around and don't cross over, sometimes stay at there tomb, perhaps they don't know how to travel or even know where their living loved ones are ,maybe they even mourn their own death and are waiting to reunite with their body.  Perhaps their loved ones come to the grave and grieve and they wait for them because they feel guilt for dying and leaving them to mourn. All I know is that to me cemetery's are the most haunted places on earth. If you are a new ghost hunter or investigator my bet is you will catch evidence to support your haunting claims at a cemetery before you will a residence.

What it all comes down to do actually believe there are ghosts? All I can say is that if you let life happen and feel the energy around you will you will feel that they have not left us they still are real and exist. If your lucky you will hear them as I have. It is a bit creapy at first but would you fear your loved one if they were living? NO then why fear them in death? Be open minded and ready to receive anything spiritual , don't worry about evil shit possessing you , if your a good person and not into gutting puppies I am sure you will be fine. After all evil can't have what's God's.

Scary or Not

 I have always had a infatuation with hauntings and the paranormal . I take you into my bedroom when I was about 14 years old maybe older. I had fallen asleep and awoken to something standing in the corner of my room right beside my bed about two feet away, I was face to face with this troll looking cloaked being, it seemed to have brown skin the nose was huge and ugly and the eyes I will never forget the eyes glowing a clearish white but not like in the movies like that on a cat in the dark. I swung at this maybe three foot figure of a short troll, as it vanished I felt it's cloak touch my fist. It was real to me I was awake at this time and wondering what I should I do and was afraid to tell. I was always made fun of or ridiculed for my paranormal experiences.

Most hauntings are not scary at all, they usually go unnoticed. I however am a ware of my surroundings and allow myself to feel the energy of a place or room . I have felt many spirits about me and we are not alone by no means. There is so much more that meets the eye then an old ghost tale around a camp fire. I have seen and felt spirits in the sunshine of day. Sure as there are dark hauntings that will scare the shit of you there are not so scary hauntings and it is a haunting I believe that happens everyday all day. Weather we know it or not the spirit is there.

 Try this out go to a graveyard and walk around a bit reading the stones touching them and feeling the sunshine and wind and then stop and listen , soon you will hear the whispering the voices of many whom you can't see but can hear as if they were there. I have actual done this and not on purpose ; I was laying in my bed and began to hear a conversation amongst  a few people that were not in our home, it came from the stairs beside my bedroom , no one was there, and to my surprise later on my children said someone was talking and then my husband stopped in front of the stairs and said who is it one night ,and said he heard people talking. One night after we all were in bed asleep we awoke to our dog barked viciously at the stairs and no one there of course. I am sure there is a bigger story and I intend to find out what it is.

 As far as people thinking your crazy for talking about hauntings and or anything else of the paranormal , I simply say I find it strange people don't talk about it more being most of us go to a church where they preach about life after death and God and the devil. I mean after all they couldn't fit everything there is to know out there in one book right? There is so much more to it and I trust the Lord has given us a brain to find it and search for it. The truth that is.  ~DJ~